New Bike Day.

There is something about getting a new bike, whether it be assembled at a bike shop, or delivered in a box. But I have to say, unboxing is a little special.

Now I've always preferred the LBS, Local.Bike Store. But over the past years I have had reason to turn away from them in my town. I have, luckily found one that I may frequent.

Being told that your Cube is pretty much a shit bike that I'll have trouble with, and another that charges well above prices...well. By the way, I have not had one once of trouble with the Cube Atyention SL in the three years I've owned it.

Anyway digressing...yes opening up the box, lifting it out and starting to separate the pieces of the beautiful puzzle was, well, exciting.

I purchase the new bike online as you've probably guessed. The bike is a Marin Nicasio gravel bike, as I've been looking for this style bike for  while.

I've looked and pondered some over the past twelve months or so, and on my list was the Bombtrak and Kona. But prices intontje high 3k made me hum and ah.

Price was a big factor of the Nicasio. It came in at $897.00 AUD on an End Of Finacial Year Sale. Normal retail is around $1099-$1299 AUD.  It is a budget friendly bike but it had characteristics that caught my eye.

It is has a Chromoly frame and forks with plenty of rack, guard and cage mount options. It has the Shimano Claris 2 x 8 drive chain with .... mechanical disc brakes. STI shifters are Claris as well.

It comes standard with Marin double walled aluminium 32H rims that sport 30 mm .... tyres and 6 bolt 160 mm rotors. The rear wheel is fitted with a Sunrace 11-34 cassette, which in my opinion only just fits. It seems a little snug changing into the granny gear.

The saddle is a Marin and is mounted using a 27.2 mm seat post. This saddle is quite surprising. The Kona Sutra is the only bike I've owned that I didn't change to saddle on straight away. The Cube, and even my munched loved Trek Domane 5.2. The Bontager Paradigms were far from a comfort endurance saddle. But the Marin saddle is extremely comfortable, it's an astonishing keeper.

Cranks are FSA with a tapered seald BB. They measure on my size, a 58, 175 mm and length, and run a compact chainring set, 50/34.

The bike rides very well for a starting point bike. The last bike I had with Claris 2 x 8 was my Trek Alpha 1.1, a base road model. Shimano has vastly the Claris shifters and derailleurs. They are much smoother than they used to be.

The bike is smooth and feels light for an all steel bike. It has agile and responsive handling, and gives you plenty of road feel whilst suppressing the bumps.

The standard 30 mm tyres are more of a road tyre  but do handle gravel OK. But they're not something I would like to ride the BVRT with. They do, however, grip well even in the wet.

If you're after a budget bike, it would be one well worth considering. Purchasing the bike through Bicycles Online was easy, and delivery time swift. It only took three days from Sydney to Bundaberg. The bike was exceptionally well packed with Velcro straps and compressed neoprene as the packing.

Assembly was easy. Simply fit handlebars and seat post/seat, front wheel and pedals. I did find some adjustments needed to be done, brake cable tension, and pad adjustment, along with some indexing and cable tension adjustment on the gears. Even if you're a newby to riding and have little mechanical skill set it isn't hard, a quick search on YouTube will have your bike up and running in no time. Oh, and the bike comes with a multi tool and a pedal spanner. Yes the bike comes with pedals...they are just basic plastic flat pedals. But they do have a good sizable platform.

To be honest, out of the box this bike is a good bike. Basic components make for simple maintenance. It's ride quality and agility make it a great bike. It would make a great commuter bike as is, but to say it is a gravel bike is a push. It handles gravel well, don't get me wrong, but tyres are the thing that would let it down here. It has room for 700x40c or you can swap to 650bx47c. They do state that it takes up to a 700x35c tyre, but later in their description they state 30-40 mm tyres.

All in all I'm very happy with the purchase, even as is. But me being me, it won't stop there. I have also been busy purchasing upgraded components to make a great little bike even better...but we'll leave that side of it for another time

The Endless Mind Game

 It has been crazy here. I've had a lot too deal with, not physically but mentally. This is where it gets tough for me.

In April of 2019 I retired from work due to anxiety, depression and PTSD. I've always battled the first two, and fought well to control it. But in September of 2014 a car overtook my truck up over the crest of a hill and over double unbroken lines.

That on itself is annoying more then threatening, but a car carrying two occupants was coming the other way. It was that moment that sealed my fate as well. Watching two innocent men, fathers and husbands scream to their deaths has haunted me ever since.

In 2017 I was diagnosed with Severe Anxiety and Depressive Disorder along with PTSD. It has been a long battle to get some form of life, and is still a hard war to fight even to this day.

Motivation is squashed, desire buried and the will to live is non existent. I am on the road to recovery, well stabilisation now. I see a psychiatrist regularly and I will ne seeing a new psychologist soon for a new line of treatment for me, EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprogramming. Essentially how it was explained to me is that the part of the brain that controls the flight or fight responses has never turned off. This hasn't allowed the part of the brain that processes dramas and the such to process my trauma.

It's not a new treatment, it's been around for a while. But it is new to me and we'll see how it goes.

At the moment I take a daily cocktail of medication to keep me somewhat sane, or as sane as I can be. The EMDR hopefully will weave it's magic and get me off, or at least reduce the amount of medication I'm on.

Riding makes a difference to the headspace I become imprisoned in. But it is always easy. The Anxiety when high cause a dizziness, similar to that of vertigo of which I'm no stranger to. Once.on the bike and riding this dizziness disappears. But somedays it's difficult to feel safe balance wise. I know if I push through things will improve dramatically. But keeping balance on the bike until then is sometimes extremely scary. It's an oxymoron really, stuffed if I do, and stuffed if I don't.

Of course the time spent fighting cancer last year did not help the situation. Between lockdowns and recovery it become increasingly difficult to fight back against the drowning dark cloud the encapsulated me. 

I suppose that's what it feels like to me anyway. Imagine being in a fog so thick that you can't see before your face as you stumble around. At the same time knowing that there is a cliff face near you, worrying if your next step could be your last, heart racing, mind thumping and every nerve in your body feels like it's on fire. So then you lay down to protect yourself. The fog turns to a blinding darkness, the air around you is somehow vaccumed out, not only your lungs, but the atmosphere around you.

Then the body gives in to the mind's deception. You collapse, unable to move, so fearful. You start to weep internally and the thoughts of gloom become stronger and stronger. Something so minuscule becomes a giant that you have no way of knowing how you'll over come it.

You find safety in your surroundings. Its a comfort thing. You isolate yourself, not just from friends, but from loved ones as well. Then, when you think it's all over and you get up to leave, the safety of isolation turns to a prison, one of continual torment, attacking your self worth and esteem. You give in and allow the shackles to keep you chained in that thought. It becomes easier to give in than it is to fight.

It's not an easy road, I know I'm not the only one...but you feel so alone. Your self confidence shattered becomes shards of glass that cut and tear at your soul as you crawl around in torment. You forget who you are, you character and personality sucked out of you. You've been imprisoned for so long you have no idea of what freedom is. It is easy to open a door of a bird cage, but it is not always easy to get the bird out.

Hopefully this new treatment will give me confidence enough to step outside that cage door. Hopefully it will give me the desire to find me again. It was journey that began in 2019 when I started pedalling south. It never happened the way I wanted. The prison drew me back in.

But I want to fight, I want out, I want to win. I know I can do it. I may never be the man I used to be. But maybe, just maybe I may even come out of this stronger and better than before.