First Day Home

It's cold, wet, and with enough breeze to put that extra chill in the air. It is an absolute cracker of a day to be stuck in bed.

I slept like a log last night in my own bed. I awoke whilst it was still dark and instantly thought, "Oh no", a thought that runs through my head regularly. But soon after I heard Sharon's alarm chime, I knew a full night's slumber had been had.

I did wake earlier on in the night as Sharon came to bed. I got up changed a bag, and well, sleeping in bicycle knicks, no. They came off.

Another side effect of mental health issues is insomnia. It has plagued me for years. We've all suffered it to an extent, its just a part of my nightly routine I'm afraid.

It's not just my mental health, but years of odd hours, never setting a pattern life, in the transport industry has offered up its hand as well. They say sleep plays a huge roll in mental health, maybe it's another reason why I'm so bat shit crazy in the head. That, and possibly the copious amounts of alcohol and drugs ingested growing up through my late teenage years.

I don't look at the time through the night. I think it somehow makes the night longer. The more you look, the slower the hands move.

Medical Cannabis has helped tremendously in this issue. I've been smoking/vaping it for three months now as a trial. It works. 

Not only in the sleep department, but even throughout the day when not smoking, my anxiety, frustration and general motivation have all seen significant improvements.

Even as pain relief over the past month prior to surgery it works. Now I say pain relief, not pain innialation. At the end of the day it would ease the throb coming from the extra appendage I had formed over the past twelve months to a bearable grimace.

It was funny to see the prejudice in the medical field still around Cannabis. Probably the same prejudices I had until several months ago.

My prejudices stem from a mixture of my younger years, transforming into a so called "christian", and just becoming old 🤣 Maybe it's true, we do gain wisdom as we get older?

Anyway cutting a long story short, even after explaining to my colarectal surgeon that I had transitioned from Tevatiapan to Cannabis, she deemed a nightly sedative was not necessary...ah, insomnia my old friend.

Ah well, I didn't mean to talk about all that, but this is what has come out.

It is great to be at home though. I've missed my little front porch that I had adopted as my spot. OK, now it mine and the cats spot, but I don't mind sharing.

Even in that ten days way, the elation I felt when I walked out there last night brought a welling in my eyes and a hugging to my heart. 

It's just a cane field across the road. But the tranquillity that comes from just sitting and watching it is amazing. It has become a welcomed habit, not only to watch the wind in the cane. But to watch, waiting for the cane to be harvested to reveal the mountains that lie behind.

So yes, it's great to be home.